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16 March 2011 @ 11:37 pm
Molina and Valentin  
I forgot what this feels like. Allowing myself to feel this way is...beyond terrifying. Normal people don't react this way. Inside me, there is a tiny, growing granule of happiness that permeates my being. A secret smile, if you will, that warms from the core out.

However, it also makes me bat shit crazy over inane happenings of no consequence. But I reason things out. Really, I do. Irrationality never suited me, nor anyone else for that matter. On the other hand, rationality also has its downsides. Mainly the frigidity and standoffishness that it inevitably engenders in some misguided attempt to protect something that is, at this point, already mangled beyond repair.

Auden, always on my mind, you put is so well - "you shall love your crooked neighbour with your crooked heart." Hmm, should probably lay off reading poetry, but Sylvia gives me a framework of remembrance that may else wise be forgotten. Mad girl's love song. Yes, indeed.

Luckily, being the jester is not all bad. Laughing when you should be crying is sometimes the only recourse to survive the absurdity of the mundaneness of life.